Gronk and Izzie’s Mom here today to talk about meowing. A subject our house has gotten overly familiar with lately. The interweb gives the following reasons for why cats meow:

1. They are sick. (Cue hairball from ingesting too much ribbon after eating ALL the presents during the holidays)

2. They are hungry. (Gronk and Izzies’ meows on the subject goes something like this: Why exactly can’t I be fed 11 times a day? And what’s with these small servings? We are growing kitties here.  What’s that? We’re all done growing?! Nonsense. No we most certainly would not get fat from free feeding. Pet obesity is not a growing problem across America. Honestly Mom, I don’t know what you are watching on that TV.

3. They desire attention. (As in RIGHT MEOW!!!!!)

4. They want to make baby cats. (Despite the parts necessary to do so.)

5. They are old and want to complain about it. (Dear, sweet, old Tuxedo a cat-relative of ours, who is the ripe old age of 20, has gone completely deaf and now yowls all the live-long day and night without a care in the world, oblivious to her own ear-splitting racket.)

6. They feel stressed out by their lives. (Too much napping will do that to you know.)

AND/OR

7. They feel lonely. (Clearly the cat playmate, mountain of toys, and the cat TV are not sufficient distractions.)

Izzie here. Please allow for my rebuttal.

The venerable information superhighway also informs us that meows are DEMANDS. Well at least they’ve got that part right. We cats meow to demand important things from our humans. Things which left un-meowed would not be attended to.

I feel they may have forgotten one very important reason that cats meow–

8. We want to bother their humans. My human is sleeping, I want them to be awake. Human is in the bathroom, I want to be in the bathroom with them. Human is busy cooking, I want human to be busy with me. Human is trying to get ready without getting a tear in her nylons or white fur on her pants, I will make sure neither of these things happens AND I will meow while I’m doing it. And that’s what they call multi-tasking!

Lest, we forget, I’m a cat and I’m boss.

Gronk here. Izzie is dozing.

Why is it that yowling at night is soo much more satisfying than yowling when your humans are awake?

I’ve taken to meowing in the wee hours of the morning. I’ll let out a meow in the bathroom, then in the kitchen and finally a few good ones in the bedroom. I like to let the music flow through the house, especially when it’s dark and silent. I mean, I’m awake, why shouldn’t the humans be awake too? It’s only reasonable. I require love and affection AT ALL TIMES.

When I meow during the day my humans almost always respond. Dad gets up from his chair and follows me to the bathroom. Mom comes and gives me scratches or treats. So one day it occurred to me, why not start meowing at night? It’s ever-so boring in the middle of the night all by ones kitty-lonesome. Sometimes if I’m loud enough either Mom or Dad will come storming out of the bedroom, hair in a disarray, looking like it might be harboring  a bird for me to play with, a curious expression on their face and start shouting things. But in my opinion, shouting is better than sleeping. At least I know they’re paying attention.

Once they’re up, I know they’ve heard my cries for attention and want to play with me. Thus, my meowing has worked. You see, I’m extremely intelligent cat. I always get what I want. The only downside to all of it is that sometimes Izzie seems to get agitated with all the ruckus and she comes and gives me the rough-side of her paw. But, a little swat to the face never hurt anyone, so I carry on.

Try the 2am meow sometime, I’m sure you’ll like it, wait and see!